Million Kambuli
Church members must be able to counsel each
other. You heard me right! Counselling should not
be left to church elders alone. One principle laid
out in the Scriptures is the importance of
Christians building one another up in the faith.
The Bible says, “It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets,
some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God’s
people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we
all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become
mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ” (Eph. 4:11–
13). God has given church pastors and teachers the responsibility to train God’s
people for Christian service. Part of the work of shepherding or pastoring
includes counselling and teaching church members to counsel one another.
In 1 Thessalonians 5:14, Paul writes: “And we urge you, brothers,
admonish the idle, encourage the faint-hearted, help the weak, and be patient
with them all.” The word admonish comes from the Greek noun nouthesia (verb
noutheteo), from which men like J. A. Adams coined the phrase “Nouthetic
counselling,” to mean biblical counselling. Paul was, therefore, instructing the
Thessalonian believers to counsel each other.
Let me state from the onset that the end goal of biblical counselling is
spiritual growth. Putting it differently, it is for believers to conform to the image
of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.21 Counselling must never be thought of
as a weekly hour of magic, or an independent ministry conducted aside from the
church. Preaching, teaching, evangelism, discipleship, and counselling are all
integral parts that make up an effective biblical ministry. The local church is the
instrument Christ ordained to help believers grow into his likeness. It is the only
organisation—or better, organism—he promised to build, sustain, and use.
This article is emphasising the fact that counselling must be church
based. We must attempt to draw counselling into the general discipling work of
the local church. By that I mean, we must practice counselling by equipping
members and leaders to meet one another’s counselling needs, rather than
referring people to experts.22 Church-based counselling does not wholly eschew
the role of the “expert” or even referral, especially for more difficult cases. Yet
it is grounded on several biblical convictions.
Firstly, counselling works best when counsellor and counselee know
one another’s lives because they belong to the same covenant community.
Secondly, counselling needs are best addressed not by only one expert,
but by the gifts and love of different parts of the body (1 Cor. 12).
This article is addressing the questions, “When can church members
handover counselees to their elders?” This question presupposes that members
are counselling each other. I propose six instances necessitating the handing
over of counselees to church elders by members.
When the counselee is stubborn in sin
Matthew 18:15–20 shows that church members are capable of counselling each
other even when it comes to sin in their lives. The role of the elders (implied in
the phrase “tell it to the church”) comes later. They come in at the final stage of
exercising discipline. I do not have time to argue here weather the phrase “tell
it to the church” in Matthew 18 refers to the church business meeting or leaders,
but the context shows that it is the later when the sin is patently stubborn.
When there is no mutual trust between counsellor and counselee
Counselling cannot go on when the counselee has lost trust in the counsellor. At
times counsellors may make mistakes in the counselling process and those
mistakes may lead the person they are counselling to lose both trust and
confidence in them. At times the counselee may misunderstand the counsellor,
and in the process lose trust as well.
When the counsellor feels incompetent to handle the case
At times we may not be able to handle certain cases due to age or experience.
In such cases it is wise to handover the case to the elders of the church.
When the counselee is not committed
The counsellor and counselee must agree from the onset to be committed to the
counselling program. The amount of assistance a counselee receives is directly
proportional to his or her level of commitment. If the counsellor identifies the
problem accurately and gives proper biblical instruction, yet sees little or no
progress, this often indicates a resistance to commitment. The counsellor may
have to refer such a case to the elders. Lack of commitment can be seen from:
1) Absenteeism: A person who frequently cancels appointments, particularly
for questionable reasons, may be avoiding confronting his or her issues.
2) No feedback: Failure to do homework.
3) Distancing: In instances of distancing, the counselee keeps the counsellor
at arm’s length. When asked about his or her life, the counselee is unwilling
to reveal detailed information. There is lack of openness.
4) Threats: Some counselees make threats. In subtle ways, the message
communicated is: “If I don’t like how this is going, I will not come back.”
5) Manipulation: There are various ways counselees may attempt to
manipulate a counsellor. They may cry, or they may flatter the counsellor.
Whatever the tactic used, these are attempts to side-track the discussion.
When the counselee needs more help than you can offer
It is important to be frank to counselees. There is nothing wrong with saying to
the counselee: “This is how far I can assist you, but the door is still open for you
to come in case you have questions. Meantime, the elders will take over the
case.” Some counselees may need more help than you are able to offer. And it
is not your fault that you cannot help them.23
On the other hand, there are persons who want to drag out counselling
sessions beyond the point of necessity. With essential matters being addressed,
the counsellor may have to make the decision to graciously terminate the
counselling. But the counselee may want to come again and again – and perhaps
even again! The real reason may be that such a person is lonely and he or she
may simply be feeding on the attention given by the sympathetic counsellor.
Sometimes it may be a case of a counselee being the kind that is generally
indecisive; one who has difficulty making decisions. In such cases, counselling
may briefly shift to helping the counselee know how to be more decisive.
When the counsellor is too busy
At times the church member may have other commitments taking them away
from counselling sessions. This may necessitate handing over the counselee to
the church elders, whose may accommodate alternative schedules for them.
Conclusion
Counselling is the responsibility of each believer and in the context of the
church. The church elders should draw up programmes to train members of their
congregation for the work of counselling, thereby broadening the church’s
counselling pool. Church-based counselling is designed to build all the members
of the body of Christ to maturity, as they serve together, teach one another, and
bear each other’s burdens (Eph. 4:11-16; Gal. 6:2).
In what context should this training take place? This question is the
watershed for the whole issue of counselling.
24 For the biblical counsellor, the
training ground must be the local church. While some training takes place in
special counselling classes, most of the training of the biblical counsellor comes
through normal, active involvement in the church. If we believe the Word of
God can bring genuine change, solutions, healing, and growth, then counsellor
preparation must focus more on the biblical responsibilities of church
involvement and less on counselling as a separate, para-church skill.
